Accenture reviews

As an ex-employee of Accenture, I can say with a certain degree of certainty that my time there was, shall we say, a culinary experience unlike any other. If you're looking to master the art of deception, manipulation, and fabrication, then Accenture might just be the Michelin-starred restaurant for you. Let's start with the ambiance. From the moment you step into the kitchen, I mean office, you're greeted by the aromatic scent of deceit wafting through the air. It's a heady mix of false promises, exaggerated credentials, and the unmistakable aroma of burning integrity. Truly, a feast for the senses. Now, onto the menu. At Accenture, you're not just an employee, you're a master chef of deception. Need to cook your timesheet to make it look like you've been slaving away for hours on end? No problem, just sprinkle a dash of creative accounting and voilà, you're a culinary genius. Cooking up your man-hours to impress clients? Easy peasy, just throw in a pinch of imaginary productivity and watch them eat it up like it's gourmet cuisine. But let's not forget the pièce de résistance: the RFP response. Ah, the RFP response, where truth goes to die a slow and painful death. At Accenture, we don't just respond to RFPs, we craft works of fiction so elaborate, they could rival the greatest novels of our time. Need to embellish your qualifications to land that big project? No problem, just whip up a soufflé of exaggerated accomplishments and watch as the clients line up to hire you. And let's not overlook the invaluable life lessons I learned during my time at Accenture. Like how to navigate the murky waters of office politics without getting caught in the crossfire. Or how to smile through gritted teeth while your Indian colleagues throw you under the bus faster than you can say "corporate espionage." Truly, a masterclass in Machiavellian maneuvering. In conclusion, if you're looking for a place where integrity goes to die and dishonesty reigns supreme, then Accenture is the place for you. Just be prepared to leave your moral compass at the door and embrace the dark art of culinary deception. Bon appétit!

*Ran a contentious restructure in 2019, then layoffs in 2020, then experienced extreme levels of unwanted attrition in 2021 and 2022, then ran layoffs again in 2023 and are now again experiencing unwanted attrition *As a result of the point above, the vast majority of staff are at <18 months tenure and there simply isn't enough continuity *Support functions have disappeared, meaning the grunt work is done by everyone inc. Managing Directors. This includes slide formatting, coordinating time in the office, calendar management, timesheet and expense submissions, solving technology issues. Technology and systems barely work as a result of layers of outsourcing and technical debt (I'm talking about employee laptops struggling to open PPTs, not running cloud services) *Almost no training and development investment at all levels since 2020 *As a result of the points above, no one is able to be effective at work: navigate internal systems, deliver projects, sell new work, etc. *The Analyst pipeline is completely broken: there is a severe backlog of promotions, new hires have had joining dates delayed by up to 12 months, training is basically non-existent and many Analysts have been benched for the majority of their time at the company *Hostile M&A that absorbs and atrophies 5-10 competitors a year (brand starts being merged, offices get combined, senior leaders leave, comp gets equalised with other teams, then everyone else leaves)