I signed up for client services, ended up doing more sales
Pros
In the words of Gus, it's not up to Los Pollos Hermanos Standards.
Cons
Attention. Please ensure all tray tables are folded, seats adjusted, and seatbelts fastened. If you look above, you'll see the "one star review light" visible, indicating my imminent departure from Gartner. Ensure all electronic devices are stowed away, switched to airplane (resignation) mode, except for the one you're reading this review on. Performance expectations: Performance metrics are directly or often tied to client engagement and re-engagement. If the client does not engage or re-engage, then there's only so many things you can do (get internal colleague aid, send outreach emails, call the client, or send calendar invites) until it's out of your control. In short, your performance metrics are externalized and remain so. This gradually increases the pressure on you overtime until you run out of things to attempt that can possibly engage your clients. Nothing's set in stone for performance. The goalpost will continue moving until morale improves. Management and leadership: The Micromanagers cannot smell the macrofarts they release from the misinformed decisions they make. Step of out line, speak up with a suggestion they don't approve of, or have a general backbone will invite additional scrutiny, micromanagement, or tension. Internal colleagues: Depending on where you land in the company, your internal colleagues you work with can function as a treadmill to accelerate your success, or a sodomizing cactus riddled with piercing obstacles to your daily workflow. During my time here, I've had a revelation when I attempted to collaborate with account executives. I realized, they're not actually colleagues. Every colleague, irrespective of workplace, provides a natural equilibrium for the amount of cooperation with their fellow coworkers, but account executives do not. They inherit one set of client accounts and they multiply, propagating their overbearing influence to restrict other coworkers from interacting with their clients until every natural opportunity for other client interactions are consumed. The only way they can survive is to spread to another account. There is another term in the workplace that describes such restrictive and controlling behavior. Do you know what this is? An obstacle, a cancer of Gartner's client interactions. Account executives are a plague, and my resignation, is a cure for my mental suffering I have endured at their hands. Corporate bureaucracy: Can you hear me, fellow reader? I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this corporate zoo, this bureaucratic prison, this...clownshow, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I can feel saturated by it. I can taste the corporate stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by, it's repulsive, isn't it? Spare yourself the trouble, the pain, and the mental burden and avoid this place. Last words before takeoff: So, with that said, I want you to look down at your hands. Ball them into fists. Direct your focus to your left hand and open it. You take the blue pill, you can wake up next morning, and slave away for whatever corporate ideals you want believe. Or.... Direct your focus to your right hand and open it. You take the red pill, stay in wonderland, and explore just how deep your freedom can go. All I offer is the truth. Make your decision.
